Addiction

So many options...

I may be a junkie, but I'm sure as shit not the only one out there. Pull an average Limeño out of a kombi, sit him/her down in front of 5 boxes of this shit and see what happens. YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!!

To make things worse, apparently a dedicated Paneton aisle and/or corner is not enough, so in all the supermarkets they decided to put it random aisles among tuna cans, at checkout, sneaking it into your shopping cart... the fuckers are putting it everywhere. There is no decency... but all this ridiculous supply is in great part a product of insane demand.

So, why obsess over what is essentially a sweet bread loaf with candied fruit and raisins? Well, according to latest research, there are 4 distinct factors to consider when trying to demystify this phenomenon:

Taste - generally agreeable. I will admit that there are far tastier things out there so this is not the biggest selling point. Good brands will up the scales, but in the end... it's just sweet bread. Get real.

So if it's not the taste, what then?


Smell - Probably the most distinctive quality of a fresh bread pillow. You may have just finished eating your bodyweight in Paneton, but hey... you didn't thoroughly wash your hands so you catch a small wiff off your fingers and it's time to stuff some more.

Texture - varies greatly between brands, but even a poorly executed specimen is still edible when fresh out the package. Make no mistake, not all Panetons are born equal. If you only ever ate a stale Bell's Paneton you picked up on discount from Plaza Vea back in May... then you don't know shit, son. When determining quality, texture is the biggest variable with a wide spectrum of possibilities, and a factor that is addressed in all literature that I write on the subject.
 
Which brings us to...

Gluttony - It's not the type of food where you cut off a small piece, have a bite and go "I rather enjoyed that". No, you shout "GIEV MOAR NAU" as you spit saliva-soaked sponges of bread onto your family, the computer screen or whatever it is you believe in. If you enjoy Paneton, chances are you are a motherfucking Glutton who lives for all-you-can-eat buffets, 5 course meals, jars of Nutella in one sitting and the like... the complete opposite of a serial snacker who eats 10 small meals a day. You sit down, you eat, and you don't stop until an internal organ bursts.

Considering all of the above, it is easy to understand why some are infatuated (believers) and some indifferent (heretics), with very few finding themselves in the middle. And conversions from one school of thought to the other are rare, because this is who we truly are.

"I feel like I had enough Paneton" - said never by anyone. If you don't like it, you probably never did... but if you've ever been on it, I mean REALLY on it (a true believer)... you could never utter these words honestly. Scientists have determined three key factors which are most likely to cause temporary withdrawal:

1. Off season. There's much less exposure to bread pillow so you are free to pretend like November-January was all just a spongy dream.
2. Your pants somehow shrank... fatass.
3. Your non-believing "friends" staged an intervention to get you off the Paneton, but shit got ugly and now you're in prison where they don't serve your drug of choice.

There's no last hit. You're in this for the long haul motherfucker.

...so little time.